Michelle Toh: A Millennial Set Apart For Jesus

Society may label Millennials as fussy and fickle, but the largest living generation—those aged between 27 and 42 this year—is also authentic and transparent, valuing life beyond making money. CHC’s Creative Content & Social Media Executive Michelle Toh shares her views on being a Millennial generation church worker.

 

During any given weekend service, you may spot Michelle Toh flitting about silently, or hovering at a certain spot, holding a camera in a position till she gets what she wants. Her job is to capture the passion, presence and vibe of all that happens in City Harvest Church on a given weekend. As part of CHC’s Creative Department, Michelle assists her team leaders Mark Kwan and Lucas Chia in creative video productions, planning and executing social media content for senior pastor Kong Hee and his wife, executive pastor Sun. She also occasionally handles the social media content for CityWorship. You would see her work mostly on Pastor Kong and Sun’s social media accounts, such as video recaps of various church events and weekend sermons and other insightful content.

Almost always dressed in an oversized T-shirt and stomping boots, Michelle is a woman of few words but her thoughts run oceans deep. While she falls squarely into the Millennial Generation, her values and beliefs run contrary to those of her generation, yet they take a form that Millennials can identify with. In a world where Millennials are rapidly leaving church and finding their own “spirituality”, Michelle represents the set-apart group that has found the pearl of great price, that is Jesus. She talks to City News about the things that truly matter.

 

CN: As a Millennial, what are the values that you hold dear or that apply to your age group?

MT: I’m not sure if I’m in a position to speak for my generation, nor qualified to dare say so. Personally, I’m someone who’s always been drawn to doing the shadow work; not just as a wallflower, but as a good old foundational pillar.

The world is a fertile ground for growing innovators and pioneering activists, both in the secular and spiritual arenas. There is no lack of people wanting to take action, give visions and sow seeds. My burden (or what you may call a “value”) often appears as a question like: “Who’s looking after this? Who’s giving care to this? What does this idea need in order for it to be done with excellence?” What is dear to me is being able to help bring someone else’s vision to fruition; to be able to take care of someone’s treasure, to tend someone’s ground, to be of support to someone’s work. My heart burns, and aches and desires for this.

Another thing that is valuable to me is giving ear and heart to someone’s sharing. Not to sound like a broken record, but the uprising of technology and commercialisation of life has caused us to become shallow people; we don’t listen for longer, but we linger for shorter [periods], and live only for the temporary. Our emotional roots are cut short, and our social growth is therefore stunted. I remind myself that it is always important to take time to listen; there is nothing too urgent, too important or too dire that I can’t take a little time to listen to someone’s troubles, dreams, visions, burdens. We can always catch up on work, but we can’t catch up on lost conversations and emotions that happen in those moments.

These two things are what I hold dearest to my heart and they feature in everything that I do.

 

How did you come to City Harvest Church?

TLDR: When my mom was giving birth to me, it was quite laborious and  she was inching close to having to get a C-section. Her friend, a believer, was there and encouraged her to pray. My mom did, and then went on to deliver naturally. Since then, she developed this “inclination” towards Christianity. When I was growing up, she taught me how to “talk to God” before bed time, which I feel was just her reason to find out about my day. She has never attended church or been taught anything about God. So she was basically operating by trial and error! She bought some Bible storybooks for kids, and that’s all I knew before I came to church. I still have one of them to this day!

I first came to CHC when a secondary school friend invited me. To say church was loud is an understatement, but it never felt intimidating. There was such a draw from God’s presence that even as a first-time attendee, I could not help but be moved—I felt a little clueless about why I was moved. As a very reclusive introvert, church was a community I never had, a family I never knew I needed, and a home I would soon come to find refuge in. If I had to sum it up, God drew me in and the people kept me here.

 

What led to you working in CHC?

Working in church was never my primary vision but a bonus that came out of a simple desire to serve the church. As a volunteer, I got the chance to see a glimpse of what goes on behind the curtains, through serving in the Photography Ministry, Emerge creatives, creative video productions, and eventually, in social media for the church.

But this tiny peek into the world of full-time ministry solidified and confirmed God’s calling over my life. I found myself endlessly thinking, longing and dreaming of all things ministry. Regardless of whatever work I was doing—be it my own freelance work or working on contract elsewhere—the church was always on my mind. And just like that, I knew where I had to be.

Now, after four years of entering beyond the curtains, I still find myself endlessly thinking, longing, and dreaming of all things ministry—I just get to do it from a different viewpoint and now have greater access and can be of direct help. Of course, every journey comes with its fair share of growing pains, battles scars and friendly fire—we are still a working organisation after all. But yet, it is a solid community that never fails to uplift and empathise in and out of season; one that calls out your gifts and to dig out the gold from within.

 

You began serving church in the Photography Ministry. What drew you to volunteer? What did you learn or gain from that?

I remember stepping into Expo Hall 8 as a first time attendee, and all I felt was this burning desire that I could not articulate. I was just drawn to being able to serve the church in any way possible. But of course, my first thought then was, “Does this mean I have to become a cell group leader?” Being the wallflower that I am, that clearly wasn’t a route I was particularly drawn to. That’s when I turned to the thing I love most: photography.

I came in to the Photography Ministry with zero background, zero knowledge, zero skills in photography. The only exposure I had was using a point-and-shoot my parents had—automatic settings with zero knowledge needed to start using it.

I grew up with point and shoots, film cameras, Polaroids. I don’t think I was that crazy about cameras. I was more interested in capturing the moment, and that meant I had to develop technical skills. The gifting can’t work without it! I had the eye but no skills to match it.

Through my serving in Photography Ministry, I gained an eye for the “shadow work” of the church. Gaining the opportunity to see church events grow from seed form to fruition, and having access to document such moments for the church—it is priceless. Instantaneous documentation has become the norm these days, but what we are after is foresight. What we capture in this moment might not matter right now, but when we look back on it a decade later, we get to have physical “proof” to see how far we have come.

I’m not at all bothered if my work goes unnoticed forever. It all belongs to the Lord and in His time. I guess the good thing about photography is that it is possible to work with limitations. We often hear people say “It’s not about the gear, but the person using it”. I have to agree this is true.

I have to remind myself that everything happens in His time, so I always stay ready and sensitive to what He wants me to capture. I just need to be obedient to the Holy Spirit and it will always come to pass when the time is right.

 

Why do you feel servanthood is important?

It gives me an insight to the heart of Jesus. He came and served, and this was part of His ministry in everything He did. It keeps me humble and close to God. It’s in the lowly places where I get to see more of God than I would in the spectacular.

 

What did you study in school? When did you realise you have a creative gift? Did you wonder what God made you to be and do?

Ironically, I studied Environmental Science (think NEA and gardening and climate change). Growing up, I was always more drawn towards the creative realm. But my parents—my mom is a creative herself—wanted me to go down a more “financially beneficial” route. I tried, for as long as I could. But after I graduated from polytechnic and tried to go to university, I didn’t feel happy or fulfilled. The conviction became more pronounced when I started serving in the Photography Ministry during this period. It further solidified and confirmed my gifting in photography.

To say I’ve not wondered about my gifting would be a lie. Watching friends and family being so sure and certain about their own paths got me wondering: “Am I really where I need to be? I’m in it but I’m not happy. Is this still something God wants me to do? People tell me I’m good at this environment thing, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. Am I wrong?”

 

In the world we live in now, working for church is quite a rare thing, particularly for Millennials who value their career prospects. What are your thoughts? What motivates you to stay? What if a great opportunity opens up at a very cool company?

I don’t deny that this world is overflowing with various opportunities more enticing than working for the church, and as a young adult, prospect-thinking is constantly on the forefront of our minds.

I vividly remember the season when I was still a church volunteer waiting for an open door into full-time ministry. It was a long season: God was silent. After many cycles of hopeful waiting, people around me started to express concern and questions and doubts started creeping into my mind. Some of these began to take root, and it eventually got to me. I started looking for a job outside church; an opportunity arose and I took the “bait”. On the very same day I accepted that position, I received a call from someone in CHC asking if I was interested in working full-time in church.

My heart had never sunk further and deeper into the ground than it did that moment. I’d never cried more openly and desperately than in that moment. Of course, now on hindsight, I know God has worked out all things for good. But to this very day, I will always remember how it felt to have missed a calling (literally). I’ll always remember how God’s house and His work has never left my mind, heart and gut. This is what keeps me here.

I am given a chance to serve God’s house this way only once—with all of my youth, with my unlimited time, with my freedom from responsibilities (i.e. marriage and family), with this season’s heart and being, before the next phase of life takes over. To be able to be “recklessly” present for all that God is doing … I can only do this once. It’s a gift that I can only present to God in the span of my earthly life; a sacrifice that can only happen here on earth. There’s no greater motivation than knowing that I have been a willing vessel for God to do whatever He wants to do.

 

What has working in church done for you personally—emotionally and spiritually?

We often say church is a safe space, and I couldn’t agree more.

I can no longer remember my life before working in church. It is a community that has graciously embraced all my flaws, journeyed with me through every phase of life, and mercifully corrected and moulded me into the person I am today. It has gifted me with confidence in the work of my hands and heart; called out the gold in the dirt of my being; spoken forth the gifts that I never found worthy enough to bring before God.

Spiritually, being in the constant atmosphere of like-minded colleagues makes it easier to speak about and share the things of God. Being able to explicitly acknowledge the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in my work is one thing I will never take for granted. When I get to witness the workings of the church behind closed doors, it makes me appreciate how intricate and specific God is in working everything together for good. To be able to work with wide-eyed wonder every single day … what a time to be alive! That said, it is not always perfect. As clichéd as it sounds, there can’t be rainbows without a storm; we can’t know the magnitude of God without experiencing the full spectrum of life.

 

On the flip side, have you had people wonder why you would work for church? For some people, the title of “church worker” brings to mind a certain type of personality and job scope.

It definitely put me in a prominent spotlight when I chose to take this route. My sibling and cousins are local university graduates and are in financially well-paying jobs. No one could understand why I was doing this, or why would a church even need paid workers. I used to be more vague about what I do, because I was tired of having to explain what it is and why. Honestly, I really couldn’t care less what anyone thinks. I’m someone who has to do what’s on my heart, and I just have go for it. Sure I’ve been challenged (even by my then cell group leaders) on whether working for church was a waste of my potential. But I’ve tried working outside and it made me sick in my gut.

I recently had a conversation with a non-believer friend and she was curious about my choice to work in church. I simply explained how it felt like something I needed to do, was drawn to doing, and that I really loved helping. To my surprise, she really loved the idea of it! Perhaps people aren’t as closed off to the idea as I think they are; they just need to have more understanding.

Have I ever been envious of my peers? Of course, especially in terms of finances. We live in a world that encourages us to have surplus, but in this day and age, it’s hard on a church salary, facing inflation and increasing expenses. But do I have FOMO? Definitely not. The peace of being where I need to be surpasses anything this world can ever give. That is priceless!

 

What reflections do you have about your cohort and peers and what they go through in the working world as a young adult?

In a world that glorifies grinding and hustling, I have great empathy for the Millennials’ struggle to find balance between life, work and church. There is always great friction between the things of the world and the things of the divine. I pray that as we journey through our individual paths in life and work—be it in the marketplace or in church—the road is never a lonely one with God. We all experience similar seasons, just on different timelines. But the end is the same: to love God, to love His house and His people. Whether that’s through church work, or in the marketplace, I pray that we will keep our eyes on the one true thing: God Himself.